As a marriage coach and wedding officiant in Columbus Ohio, it is my aim to not only officiate for couples on their wedding day, but to strengthen marriages for life as well. This is part 2 of 2 of an earlier entry.
It takes two to tango.
Both must be willing to discuss matters even though communication styles most likely differ in significant ways. You need to talk and communicate in marriage regularly and consistently and abide by the “rules” of healthy dialogue.
An argument can lead to dialogue, but if it does not then it usually involves blame, shame and proving who is right and who is wrong. It is a win/lose scenario where somebody wins and the other party loses, and in marriage since the goal should be to discover ways to strengthen your relationship nobody wins if somebody is out to win. The one who “wins” may feel good and validated as a person in the short run, but lose intimacy with the other in the long run. This is very dangerous to your marriage.
When you find yourself arguing about something pose the question, “Can we dialogue about this instead?” Better yet, when there is a point of potential contention that is important to you to discuss, ask your marriage partner, “Can we get together to dialogue about something?” and then schedule a definite time to talk. Schedule it immediately if possible; not “whenever”.
Healthy dialogue builds a relationship and says to your marriage partner, “I respect and love you.” By making dialogue the primary way to communicate in your relationship you will build a stronger, happier, healthier marriage…even when your conflicting ideas and disagreements still exist. Over time as you continue to practice the respect dialogue brings, many of your disagreements will get worked out.
Practice healthy dialogue for the future of your marriage and your relationship.