the red carpet

Today's Marriage Tip

One mistake that you may find yourself making as a married couple is to give others preferential treatment while taking your spouse for granted (or worse, treating your spouse in a way that says, “Oh . . .  it’s just him”, or “it’s just her.”) What happened to all those sweet moments of red carpet actions? Why doesn’t your spouse feel like they are loved and appreciated like they used to be?

You might be thinking, “Oh come on, life gets very busy when married and everyone knows that the romance fades away”. There is truth to this. Romance will require more effort over time and the euphoria of feeling in love will definitely dim. So, what then?

My answer: Intentionally build something that will last. A builder, interior designer, or mechanic who cares about quality work, always does something different from the rest. In fact, they insist upon specific things in how the project is done to insure that the result will fit the ideal in his or her mind. They make adjustments when they find they have made a wrong decision. Marriage needs to be approached the same way. You are building it, and just because your mom or dad perhaps were bad examples of how to care for another human being, doesn’t mean you need to follow suit. You can make new choices and daily continue to make adjustments and adaptations that keep your relationship on course.

One thing that you can do is to intentionally treat him or her with true respect (and own up to it when you have not been). Go out of your way to keep the relationship alive and fresh.

In our home we get caught up in two attention grabbers, the TV and computer. When my wife or I come home, we intentionally and immediately turn off the TV or pause the DVD player; or we turned away from (or turn off) the computer. I purposefully acknowledge my wife for a moment, and she does the same for me. This is a small way that we show preference to one another. It says, “you are more important than what I am doing now on my computer, or this movie”, and avoids giving the feeling of “look what the wind just blew in”. If you continue to show the red carpet treatment in the little things, it adds up to something big. It will help romance stay alive, and may save your marriage in the long run.